Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
