I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
