need another drink. this is the easiest way
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
