sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
