My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
