because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
