and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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