after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
