I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
