he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
