The maid of honor just puked.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
