If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
