Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
