apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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