he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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