How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
