When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
