Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize