Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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