i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
