saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
