is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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