puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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