i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
