I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
