theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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