i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
