I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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