If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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