i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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