I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
