He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize