lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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