Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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