halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
