is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish you could order shots online.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
