i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
