On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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