She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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