Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
