Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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