Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
