I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
