I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
