yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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