I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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