Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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