He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
