I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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