i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize