Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
