There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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