you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
