Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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