capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just high enough for therapy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
