Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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