if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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