I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
