dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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