NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
