Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize