Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
