well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
