The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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