in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
