Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
