i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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