I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
