Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
